{"id":98,"date":"2025-09-16T20:36:45","date_gmt":"2025-09-16T20:36:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/?p=98"},"modified":"2025-09-16T20:36:45","modified_gmt":"2025-09-16T20:36:45","slug":"she-says-her-husbands-illness-killed-their-sex-life-reddit-says-thats-not-the-real-issue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/?p=98","title":{"rendered":"\u201cShe Says Her Husband\u2019s Illness Killed Their Sex Life \u2014 Reddit Says That\u2019s Not the Real Issue\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When physical intimacy disappears from a marriage, resentment is almost inevitable. But what happens when that loss is tied to years of rejection, betrayal, and now a chronic illness? One woman shared her story on r\/AITAH<\/strong>, and the responses show just how divided the internet is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udc49 Original Post:<\/strong> AITAH for resenting how much my husband\u2019s newly diagnosed illness is impacting our sex life?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The Original Post (OP)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\u201cHusband and I are both early 30s and have been together for 14 years. I\u2019ve always had a high sex drive, and for me it\u2019s an important means of connection. We had three kids in 4 years, and while I know for many women this isn\u2019t the case, my drive increased because I was giving so much physically all day, that sex was a way of refilling my cup.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

H has never really matched my drive\u2026 once, I had the kids in their room napping, came out in lingerie, and he asked for a \u2018rain check\u2019 because he wanted to watch a movie. For years, I tried to initiate and he would always say no. I felt like I was begging to be touched. Eventually, I had a breakdown and asked for a divorce. That\u2019s when I found out he had been having an affair with a coworker \u2014 they had sex three times in four weeks. While I was literally crying and begging for intimacy, he gave it away so easily to someone else.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Around the same time, he got sick \u2014 pneumonia that never really went away. Months of tests led to a diagnosis of chronic respiratory illness. Medications helped for a bit, and for about six weeks we were finally intimate again. He initiated, took care of me, even made an effort to go down on me when before he never did. Then the meds stopped working. Now sex isn\u2019t really an option. As soon as he gets out of breath, he loses his erection. We tried with me doing all the work, but it just leaves him stressed and unable to finish.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I admitted recently that I feel resentful. Not at him for being sick, but at the fact that I finally started healing from years of rejection and betrayal only to have intimacy ripped away again. I\u2019m exhausted being the caretaker all the time \u2014 after my own surgeries and chronic pain, I wish I could be the one cared for. But instead, I\u2019m carrying the load of the whole house, forgiving an affair, and getting nothing back physically or emotionally.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He told me I\u2019m being selfish, that I\u2019m punishing him for being sick. The next day he apologized, but said I\u2019ve made him feel like a failure and I can\u2019t take that back. So AITAH for resenting how much his illness is impacting our sex life?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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Reddit\u2019s Brutal Comments<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Redditors didn\u2019t hold back \u2014 and nearly everyone zeroed in on one theme: this isn\u2019t about illness, it\u2019s about betrayal.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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  • The Simplest Answer:<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
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    \u201cCouldn\u2019t you just say he was cheating on you? Question: \u2018AITAH for resenting my husband because he cheated on me while I was begging him for sex.\u2019 Answer: No. Divorce him.\u201d<\/em> \u2014 Worried_Oil8913<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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    • Cheating Can\u2019t Be Excused:<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
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      \u201cHe CHEATED on you while you were trying to be intimate with him. Doesn\u2019t matter how pushy she was \u2014 if he loved you, he wouldn\u2019t have done it. Now you voice frustrations and he calls you selfish? He doesn\u2019t love you, he loves that you didn\u2019t love yourself enough to leave.\u201d<\/em> \u2014 sassy_ismyname<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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      • Years of Neglect:<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
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        *\u201cHe neglected your needs for *years* AND cheated on you. You\u2019re stuck in the sunk cost fallacy. Divorce. You deserve better.\u201d* \u2014 MotherTeresaOnlyfans<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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        • The Hypocrisy:<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
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          \u201cHe had time and energy to get hard and cheat, but claims he \u2018didn\u2019t realize intimacy was important\u2019? No way would I take care of him after that.\u201d<\/em> \u2014 Material-Host847<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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          • Validation for OP:<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
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            \u201cYou\u2019re not blaming him for being sick, you\u2019re grieving lost intimacy while carrying a heavy load. Your feelings are valid.\u201d<\/em> \u2014 georgie_bellee<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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            • The Foundation Is Broken:<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
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              \u201cHe didn\u2019t choose to be sick, but he did choose to cheat. If you leave him, it\u2019s not about the illness \u2014 it\u2019s about years of selfishness.\u201d<\/em> \u2014 IllustratorSlow1614<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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              • The Most Upvoted Comment (1.2K upvotes):<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
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                \u201cOnce a cheater, always a cheater. He slept with this woman THREE TIMES after you begged for divorce because he wouldn\u2019t be intimate with you. WHY are you still with him? Divorce already.\u201d<\/em> \u2014 Parking-Air3844<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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                The Takeaway<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

                The overwhelming consensus? OP is not the asshole.<\/strong>
                Yes, illness complicates intimacy. But as commenters pointed out, her resentment isn\u2019t just about sex \u2014 it\u2019s about years of rejection, betrayal, and emotional neglect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                The bigger question isn\u2019t whether illness killed their sex life. It\u2019s whether this marriage ever had the foundation to survive in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                \ud83d\udd25 And Reddit\u2019s answer is nearly unanimous: \u201cDivorce him.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                When physical intimacy disappears from a marriage, resentment is almost inevitable. But what happens when that loss is tied to years of rejection, betrayal, and now a chronic illness? One woman shared her story on r\/AITAH, and the responses show just how divided the internet is. \ud83d\udc49 Original Post: AITAH for resenting how much my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-98","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=98"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":99,"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98\/revisions\/99"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=98"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=98"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dooshnozzle.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=98"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}