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A Hidden Code on the High Seas

For centuries, sailors developed their own dialects and slang to navigate life at sea. Within this culture, LGBT sailors used Polari—a hybrid cant slang mixing Italian, Romani, Cockney rhyming slang, and theater jargon—as a secret code. In a world where same-sex relationships were criminalized, Polari gave sailors both discretion and identity. It allowed them to talk about attraction, sex, and community in plain earshot of officers and “lily law” (police) without exposing themselves to punishment.

Why Polari Mattered for LGBT Sailors

On cramped ships and in heavily policed ports, discretion was survival. Polari offered:

Freedom: On shore leave, Polari became a passport to hidden bars, casual hookups, and trusted allies.

Cover: Men could discuss desire, partners, or encounters without superiors catching on.

Belonging: The slang created a sense of “insiders vs. outsiders.”

Everyday and Sexual Terms in Polari

General Vocabulary

• Bona – Good, attractive
• Omi – Man
• Palone – Woman
• Omi-palone – Gay man
• Vada – Look/see
• Zhoosh – Style or fix up
• Lily law – Police

Sexual Vocabulary

Polari had a cheeky, often playful approach to sex—mixing innuendo with humor. Some of the more risqué terms included:

• Trade – A casual sexual partner, often a straight-identified man picked up for a fling.
• Riah – Hair, but also used flirtatiously (“Nice riah on that omi”).
• Troll – To cruise, look for partners. (Later borrowed into American gay slang.)
• Bona lallies – Attractive legs.
• Cottage – A public toilet used for anonymous sex. (Gave rise to “cottaging.”)
• Vada the eek – Look at the face (checking someone out).
• Omi-palone basket – A man who took the receptive role in sex (often used in a teasing or campy way).
• Naff – Rubbish or bad, but also a dismissive way of rejecting an advance.
• Lallie-tapper – Penis.
• Charver – A younger or rougher sexual partner, sometimes implying a rent boy.
• Trollin’ trade – Actively cruising for hookups.
• Scarper – To leave quickly after a sexual encounter, avoiding trouble.

Example in Use

A Polari-speaking sailor might say:

“Let’s troll the docks, vada the bona omis, and see if we can pick up some trade before lily law turns up.”

(Translation: “Let’s cruise the docks, look at the attractive men, and see if we can find partners before the police show up.”)

From Survival to Legacy

By the 1970s, Polari was fading, its secrecy less necessary as decriminalization and gay liberation spread. Yet, it remains a fascinating window into how LGBT sailors carved out space for sex, humor, and community in a world that otherwise erased them. Today, linguists and queer historians preserve Polari as a testament to resilience—proof that even in hostile waters, gay culture found ways to flourish.

The Viral AITA Post That Broke Reddit

Imagine being raised by a devoted single father after your mother disappears for 10 years—only for her to suddenly reappear, accuse your dad of not being your real father, vanish again, then come back years later expecting to play “supermom.”

That’s exactly what happened to Reddit user u/Jesseno3, who shared his story on r/AITAH. The internet’s verdict? Crystal clear: he owes her nothing.

On r/AITAH, Redditor u/Jesseno3 dropped a bombshell family drama that has the internet taking sides. Here’s their full post in their own words:

My (20m) parents were young when they dated and mother got pregnant with me. They broke up during the pregnancy and my mother called dad to the hospital and she left me with him and said she wasn’t interested in parenting and since he was, he could do it. She did nothing for me for the next ten years. There was no contact, no child support (and yes my dad pursued it), no nothing. My dad did it all. He was on his own and committed to raising me.

There were times I asked him about my mother and he tried to stay neutral with a slightly positive leaning on her just because he didn’t want me to hate myself for being half her. He wanted to nurture confidence and security in me. And as much as I hate her today I appreciate him doing it because I was sorta fragile as a kid emotionally and I think the insecurity and self loathing would have been bad if I had known just how awful she was.

A few weeks after I turned 10 my mother shows up and acts like she can just start playing supermom. She told dad she wanted to take me and raise me now and didn’t want a fight over it. She told me I was going to move in with her and I fought back and said I wanted to stay with dad and she was a stranger. Then when she wasn’t getting her way she told us dad wasn’t my real dad anyway and I was someone else’s bio kid so I didn’t belong with him. She said it for pure spite but also because she thought dad would dump me on the spot.

Until we got the DNA test I was in pieces over that. I felt guilty because dad raised me not knowing, I didn’t want to have a different dad or lose him. He spent ages reassuring me he would be my dad no matter what and I was his son no matter what and he loved me. But I was expecting someone to come between us the rest of the time. I was so sure my mother would find the actual guy and he’d take me away or they both would. But a DNA proved that I was dad’s kid. He paid for it privately just because he wanted me to be comforted and deep down he believed I was his even if he was sick at the thought of my mother telling the truth. We don’t know if she had doubts about who was my father. But she was wrong that dad was 100% not my dad.

She disappeared again after the DNA results and she was pissed. She acted like I was supposed to jump into her arms and run away with her even though she was a stranger and even the way she talked to me showed she would have been a shitty mother.

It was only 2.5 months ago that she showed up again. She moved to town with her husband and his two little kids. They made a point of stopping by our (mine and dad’s) house and introducing him and the kids. They said his kids mom died and my mother was going to be their mom now and we’d be siblings and we should be a family. I told them I wanted nothing to do with her or any of them and I told her after what she did she had audacity to come back and act like I’d ever want anything to do with her. She argued that it was 10 years ago and she’s grown. I said she could fuck off and die in a hole because she was a spiteful b*tch and unworthy of being called a mom. Dad told them they needed to leave. My mother’s husband was willing to go because he didn’t like our attitude apparently but she acted offended and was trying to linger.

She approached me a few times since and I have ignored her completely. She told me I should hear her out and give her a chance. Her husband was there one of those times and he was saying shit about me and how much of a monster I am for the fuck off and die in a hole comment because I want his kids to lose two mothers and be motherless twice before they’re five. I ignored them still but the comments bother me a little because I want to scream that they should move away if they don’t like it but I know I can’t make them leave. And I know I haven’t heard her side. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want a relationship or anything to do with her ever. But does that make me TA?

And you know, I’m the same age my parents were when I was born. I feel too young for kids but I would never fuck my kid over the way she did me. She was 30 when she did that. Like wtf. She wasn’t a kid anymore and she didn’t give a shit about what it did to me. She didn’t give a shit what it did to dad even though he was on his own with me and had zero support from her.

This isn’t just a story of estrangement. It’s about a father’s quiet devotion versus a mother’s cruel manipulation.

The father raised his son alone, never badmouthed his ex, and even reassured his son after the devastating “you’re not really his kid” lie. Meanwhile, the mother only reappeared when it suited her—dropping emotional grenades and expecting instant forgiveness without accountability.

The top comments were unanimous: OP is not the asshole.

u/gorillaboy75: “NTA. Protect your peace. There’s nothing she could say that would justify her abandonment.” (2.3K upvotes)

u/Prestigious-Entry128: “NTA, and don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking you owe her a second chance. She knew exactly what she was doing when she dropped that bomb about your dad.”

u/scrotalsac69: “NTA – Next time she tries to talk to you, just completely blank her and walk away. She does not deserve any of your time.”

u/Adelucas: “She’s an egg donor, nothing more. She assumed she could swoop in after the hard part of raising you was done and play Hallmark Mom. When that didn’t happen, she turned vindictive.

Why This Hits So Hard

This story blew up because it asks a raw, universal question: Do we owe family unconditional access to our lives just because they share our DNA?

Reddit’s answer: No.

Love is shown through actions, not titles. Parenthood is proven through presence, not blood.

The Takeaway

The internet’s verdict was firm: u/Jesseno3 is not the asshole. He’s simply protecting the peace his father worked so hard to give him.

As one commenter summed it up:

“She didn’t lose you now. She lost you 10 years ago—she just didn’t notice until today.”

What do you think—should OP ever give his mother another chance, or was he right to shut the door for good?

👇 Drop your thoughts in the comments.

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