“I mean I get where they’re coming from but how does a relationship breakup break down a man”—Wife’s Brutal Honesty Sparks MASSIVE Debate
The honeymoon phase just ENDED for this couple—and the internet is DIVIDED!
When you say “I do,” you expect your new life together to be filled with romance, privacy, and building your future as a couple. But what happens when your spouse’s best friend suddenly needs a place to crash—for MONTHS—and your partner doesn’t even ASK you first? One newlywed woman just found out, and her story is setting the internet ABLAZE.
The Original Post That Has Everyone Talking
Posted just 8 days ago to Reddit’s r/AmItheAsshole community, user Relevant-Writing-417 shared her shocking dilemma that has already garnered over 2,000 upvotes and 409 heated comments. Here’s what she wrote:
“My husband’s best friend just broke up with his long-term girlfriend and needs a place to stay. My sweet husband immediately offered our place, without asking me first. He said Chris could crash in our guest room ‘just for a few months until he gets back on his feet.’ I was quite taken aback I mean the dude is just having an emotional breakdown why house him for few months.
I like Chris fine, but he’s uhhh… messy. He leaves dishes everywhere, never cleans up, and when we’ve hung out in the past he’s always borrowing stuff without asking, like the dude just takes things like he owns them. I know if he moves in, I’ll end up being the one dealing with the mess because my husband is more laid back.
I told hubby that I wasn’t comfortable turning our new home into a bachelor pad right after moving in together. Yes!, we just built it and we’re newly Weds.
Back to the story, I said Chris can stay for a couple weekends if he really needs to, but not months. My husband got frustrated and said I was being ‘selfish’ and that if it was him, he’d never leave any of my friends hanging.
Now it’s turned into a bigger fight. Some of my friends agreed with me and understood that we’re just starting our lives together and we need space to bond without interference. But some of his friends (and even my brother) said I should be more understanding because in life we have to render help to those in need.
I mean I get where they’re coming from but how does a relationship breakup break down a man.
Hubby is still angry with me but be my judge am I actually being unfair? Would most people let their partner’s best friend stay for few months, or am I right to protect our space?”
Wait—Did She Just Say They’re NEWLYWEDS?!
Let’s pause for a second. This couple JUST got married. They JUST built their new home together. And her husband thinks it’s totally fine to invite his messy, boundary-crossing best friend to move in for MONTHS without even having a conversation with his WIFE first?
The audacity is REAL, people.
Relationship experts emphasize that healthy boundaries require self-awareness, clear communication, and respect, defining what is appropriate behavior in relationships to keep both parties safe. But this husband apparently missed that memo entirely.
The Comments Section EXPLODED—And They’re SAVAGE
Reddit users did NOT hold back, and some of the responses are absolutely GOLD.
Top Comment (VirusZealousideal72) Goes STRAIGHT for the Jugular:
“Hey husband, I was actually planning on having sex with you a lot, all over the house, like newlyweds tend to do. But you prefer having your friend here so we can have sex absolutely never (because why would I want him to listen to that, biggest turn-off ever), then sure, go ahead. A few months without sex will probably do you good.”
There. Solved it.
NTA.
BOOM. Mic drop moment right there! This comment received massive support because it highlights something the husband clearly didn’t think about—having a third person living in your home COMPLETELY changes the dynamic of a newlywed household. And let’s be real: intimacy goes out the window when your spouse’s best friend is crashing in the guest room.
One user (glitterswirl) hilariously added:
“But don’t worry husband, if you would rather not have sex, we can watch You, Me and Dupree in awkward silence.”
The movie reference is PERFECT—because if you’ve seen that film, you know EXACTLY how having a friend move in can destroy a relationship.
But Then Things Got SERIOUS
User GloryIV cut through the humor to address the REAL issue:
“NTA. You have a bigger problem than the mooch who is going to be on your couch though – and that’s that your new husband thinks he can invite people to live with you without even discussing it with you. Whatever you end up doing with Chris- you’ve got to fix that issue. It sounds like your husband views his friends’ needs as being more important than his partner’s (that being you…)”
THIS. This comment received hundreds of upvotes because it identifies the core problem: The husband’s complete disregard for his wife’s opinion on a major household decision.
Marriage experts recommend using the “two yes, one no” rule for major decisions, meaning both partners must agree enthusiastically for a decision to go forward, and if one person says no, the decision is paused to explore other options.
User Natural_War1261 chimed in:
“I had to scroll too long before someone mentioned the husband’s disrespect.”
And chancletas-ouch added:
“Even bigger than that is husband’s toddler reaction to not getting his way.”
OUCH. But they’re not wrong. The husband didn’t just make a unilateral decision—he then got MAD at his wife for not going along with it and called her “selfish.” That’s some serious red flag behavior for a brand new marriage.
The “Fish and Guests” Wisdom
User Individual_Ad_9213 (a Top 1% Commenter) brought some old-school wisdom to the table:
“NTA. A couple of weeks would be the max for me to allow anyone to stay at my place. If said individual was as messy and as presumptuous as Chris seems to be, I’d probably limit them to one week, and then it would be on condition that my partner cleaned up after his messy friend.
As the old saying goes: Guests and fish start to stink after three days.”
The ancient proverb rings true! And bythebrook88 (another Top 1% Commenter) added a crucial caveat:
“and then it would be on condition that my partner cleaned up after his messy friend—To OP’s standards! Otherwise she’d end up doing the cleaning anyway.”
Because we ALL know what would happen here. The wife would end up being the de facto maid for her husband’s messy friend, creating resentment that would poison the marriage.
This Scenario NEVER Ends Well
User ldp409 dropped some truth bombs:
“NTA This scenario is featured almost every week and it has not once turned out well.
The guy loses his job, gets depressed, stays messy, argues with wife, hub defends friend vs wife, fractures marriage. I wouldn’t tbh.”
And they’re RIGHT. If you spend any time on relationship forums, you’ll see this exact story play out over and over again:
- Friend moves in “temporarily”
- Friend becomes comfortable and doesn’t leave
- Friend creates mess and drama
- Spouse defends friend over partner
- Marriage implodes
It’s like a tragic formula that people keep repeating.
What The EXPERTS Say
Boundaries are the personal limits and rules we have in our relationships that exist for everyone, and in any kind of relationship, healthy boundaries protect each person’s mental, emotional, and physical health.
Setting boundaries and keeping them can be crucial when maintaining positive relationships and mental health. This isn’t just about Chris—it’s about establishing a pattern of mutual respect and decision-making in the marriage.
A newly married couple benefits from supporting each other’s need for personal space. Having a third person living in the home for months directly contradicts this fundamental need for newlyweds to bond and establish their household together.
Marriage counselor insights emphasize that a happy relationship is built on dozens, if not hundreds, of little moments every single day in which partners show respect and admiration for each other. The husband’s unilateral decision and subsequent anger shows a LACK of respect—not the foundation you want for a new marriage.
The Nuclear Option: One Commenter’s BRILLIANT Solution
User Avlonnic2 came in with a suggestion that’s equal parts genius and petty:
“NTA. Move into the guest room. Install a lock. Make a chore chart. Chris bunks with hubby. If he is ‘messy’, noisy, etc., your husband has to handle it.
Your husband is still acting like a bro instead of a husband. Watch the calendar; depending on the state, you likely still have time for an annulment, which is easier than a divorce. Triple your birth control and watch your finances, credit, and valuables. Good luck.”
DAMN. That annulment comment is HARSH but raises a valid point—if the husband can’t prioritize his wife’s comfort and make joint decisions NOW, what does that say about the future of this marriage?
Why Are Friends and Family Even INVOLVED?!
Multiple commenters questioned why this private marital dispute became a public debate. User EclecticEvergreen asked:
“Why are your friends and family members involved in this conversation? Seriously why are so many posts on here involving other people that have no involvement with the issue? Tell them to mind their fucking business and tell your husband to stop making your private relationship issues a public affair. NTA.”
PREACH! The fact that the husband’s friends AND the wife’s brother are weighing in suggests the husband has been complaining to everyone who will listen, trying to get people on his side. That’s another red flag—airing marital disputes to rally support instead of working through issues with your spouse.
The Uncomfortable Question: “How Does a Relationship Breakup Break Down a Man?”
The original poster’s comment—”I mean I get where they’re coming from but how does a relationship breakup break down a man”—sparked its own debate. Some found it insensitive, while others agreed that Chris, as a grown adult, should have backup plans and not need to crash with his friend for MONTHS.
The reality? Breakups are hard. But expecting a newly married couple to sacrifice their privacy and household harmony for months isn’t a reasonable solution. Chris has other options: family, other friends, short-term rentals, roommate situations. The idea that this specific couple MUST house him or they’re “selfish” is manipulative.
The Verdict: NTA (Not The Ahole) – By A LANDSLIDE**
The overwhelming consensus from Reddit? The wife is absolutely NTA (Not The A**hole). Her husband, however, is displaying some seriously problematic behavior:
✅ Making major household decisions without consulting his spouse
✅ Prioritizing his friend’s comfort over his wife’s needs
✅ Calling his wife “selfish” for setting reasonable boundaries
✅ Refusing to compromise (she offered a couple weekends!)
✅ Staying angry instead of working toward a solution
User hopelesscaribou (a Top 1% Commenter) asked the million-dollar question:
“Why aren’t your husbands friends putting him up if they are on his side?
NTA, this sets a dangerous precedent of disrespect for your comfort.”
EXACTLY. If these friends think it’s so important to help Chris, THEY can offer their guest rooms!
What Should Happen Next?
Based on expert advice and the collective wisdom of thousands of Redditors, here’s what this couple needs to do:
1. Marriage Counseling—STAT
Opposed to common beliefs couples therapy can be very helpful for newlyweds, as couples can learn about setting expectations, resolving expectations and effective communication through therapy. This couple needs professional help to establish healthy communication patterns NOW before this pattern of unilateral decision-making becomes entrenched.
2. Establish the “Two Yes, One No” Rule
For any major decision—especially involving their home, finances, or other people—BOTH partners must agree. One “no” means the answer is no, period.
3. The Husband Needs to Apologize
Not just a half-hearted “sorry you’re upset” but a genuine acknowledgment that he:
- Should have consulted his wife before making the offer
- Dismissed her valid concerns
- Called her selfish when she was setting reasonable boundaries
- Prioritized his friend over his spouse
4. A Compromise (If She’s Feeling Generous)
The wife already offered one: Chris can stay for a couple of weekends. That’s MORE than fair. If the husband insists on more, HE needs to be 100% responsible for:
- Cleaning up after Chris
- Enforcing house rules
- Ensuring Chris doesn’t overstay
- Managing any issues that arise
5. Watch for Patterns
This incident is a test case. If the husband continues to make unilateral decisions, dismiss his wife’s feelings, or prioritize others over his spouse, this marriage is headed for serious trouble.
The Bigger Picture: Why This Story Matters
This isn’t just about one messy friend and one guest room. It’s about:
- Respect in marriage: Do both partners’ opinions carry equal weight?
- Boundaries: Can you protect your space and needs without being called “selfish”?
- Communication: Are major decisions made together or dictated by one person?
- Priorities: Does your spouse put your partnership first?
The foundation for setting boundaries in a relationship begins with clarity and self-awareness about what’s making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, and it’s helpful to journal about this or explore it with a friend or therapist.
This wife is doing EXACTLY what she should be doing—setting clear boundaries and standing firm. The question is: Will her husband respect them?
UPDATE: What Happened Next?
As of this writing, the original poster hasn’t provided an update. The suspense is KILLING us! Did the husband come to his senses? Did Chris move in anyway? Did they go to counseling?
The internet is WAITING with bated breath.
What Do YOU Think?
Is this wife being unreasonable, or is her husband completely out of line? Would YOU let your partner’s messy friend move in for months right after getting married? And more importantly—should major household decisions EVER be made without consulting your spouse?
Sound off in the comments! This story has everyone talking, and we want to hear YOUR take on this newlywed nightmare.
One thing’s for sure: This couple’s “happily ever after” just hit a MAJOR speed bump. And with 409 comments and counting, the internet has OPINIONS.
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What’s your worst houseguest horror story? Have you ever had to set boundaries with your partner about friends or family? Share your experiences below!
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