“He got a new phone and stopped sharing his location with me”—the red flags were EVERYWHERE
Picture this: You’re in a committed relationship. You trust your partner. You believe they’re working hard, building a future. But something feels… off. The texts come later. The location doesn’t match up. And when you finally confront them, they’ve been lying to your face for almost an entire year.
This is the nightmare one Reddit user is living through right now, and the internet is absolutely FURIOUS on her behalf.
The Original Post That Has Everyone SEETHING
The woman, posting in the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit, laid out her story in heartbreaking detail:
“My boyfriend used to have a stable job, and I always thought he was working long hours. Over time, I noticed he started texting me later in the mornings and his location was usually at home, not work. When I asked him about it, he said he and his coworkers were working on a project and looking for financial sponsors, so I let it go. But months went by and whenever I asked again, he would say the project was ‘almost starting.’ Eventually, he even got a new phone and stopped sharing his location with me. It’s been nearly a year of him saying the same thing. I finally confronted him and asked why he doesn’t just get another job. He got mad and said I can’t understand because I have a fixed-salary job, and his work as a tradesman is different. I told him if that’s how he feels, why can’t he just take a steady job like mine. We ended up arguing. I don’t actually care if he works right now because I can support myself, but I feel like he’s lying to me and hiding the truth. AITA for being upset and confronting him?”
Let that sink in. Nearly. A. YEAR. Of deliberate, calculated deception. And when she finally calls him out? HE gets angry at HER.
The Lying: It’s Not About the Job, It’s About the BETRAYAL
One of the hardest parts of healing from betrayal is uncovering and dealing with the lies and manipulation, according to Licensed Professional Counselor Michelle Mays, an expert in treating betrayal and trauma. When your partner lies to you, it creates a sense that you cannot know what reality is. You cannot believe that what they say to you is true, authentic, and real. As a result, trust, the foundation of secure bonding, is lost.
And that’s EXACTLY what happened here. This woman didn’t care about the unemployment itself—she explicitly said she could support herself. What she cared about was the systematic dishonesty that eroded every ounce of trust in their relationship.
Betrayal might stem from someone consistently lying about their actions or intentions, undermining the foundation of trust built between you both, according to relationship experts at Couples Learn.
Reddit EXPLODES: “He Lied to Your Face Every Day for MONTHS”
The comments section turned into an absolute firestorm, with thousands of users rallying behind the original poster and demanding she leave this manipulative partner immediately.
Casual_Lore didn’t mince words:
“Nta. He lied…to your face…for months. Why on earth are you still with someone who treats you that way? He didn’t come clean until confronted and then tried to make you the ah for expecting honesty? Uh, no. You are nta, but you will be to yourself if you stay with him.”
Starblushh cut straight to the heart of the issue:
“You’re not the asshole. The issue isn’t him being jobless, it’s him lying for a year and dodging your questions. If he can’t be honest about something this big, that’s a way bigger red flag than not having a paycheck.”
And when the original poster responded, her pain was palpable:
“Yes that’s why I am upset, I wouldn’t care if he just told me that he was unemployed, I would try my best to support him in every was possible. But he just chose to lie to me.”
Peachesbaby89 summed up what everyone was thinking:
“Youre not wrong for being upset the real issue here isn’t that he’s unemployed, it’s that he’s been dishonest with you for almost a year. Relationships need trust and communication, and hiding something this big erodes that. It’s reasonable to expect honesty, even if the truth is uncomfortable, and you had every right to confront him about it.”
The Tradesman Excuse That Makes NO SENSE
Let’s talk about his defense for a moment, because it’s absolutely INFURIATING. He claimed he’s been “working on a project” and “looking for financial sponsors” for nearly a year. Then when confronted, he had the nerve to say she “can’t understand” because she has a “fixed-salary job” and his work as a tradesman is “different.”
BlackStarCorona, who actually WORKS in the trades, called out this nonsense immediately:
“NTA. I’ve worked trades. Slow seasons and off seasons are BRUTAL financially and very stressful. Most of us know a guy who knows a guy and we can almost always find side work, so it’s surprising to me that he’s ‘waiting on funding’ for this ‘project.’ I literally professionally hung Christmas lights for three months because my trade was in a super slow part of the year and a paycheck is a paycheck.”
dewprisms added:
“Yep. And to your point, the issue is usually seasonal, not all year long. Most people I know in industries like that, including teachers, have plans in place for the slow/off season just like you explained.”
So even people IN THE TRADES are saying his excuse is complete garbage. He could have found SOMETHING—anything—to contribute. But instead, he chose to lie, manipulate, and gaslight his girlfriend for months on end.
The Psychological Toll of Being Lied To
Lies disrupt the core of the relationship, making one partner question everything they thought was true. This can trigger a range of emotions—anger, betrayal, sadness, and insecurity—that may not dissipate quickly.
Lying represents a form of betrayal that inflicts deep emotional anguish on the partner who has been betrayed. The sentiment of betrayal can be overpowering, and the pain inflicted by the deceit can prove difficult to surmount. The emotional injuries might require time to heal, and the wounded partner might grapple with rebuilding relationship trust.
And here’s the kicker: Hiding problems from the person you love almost always creates even more issues.
The Comments Keep Getting WORSE
Realistic_Head4279 laid it out plainly:
“NTA. Your boyfriend IS ‘lying and hiding’ the truth from you. Doesn’t sound like a very good basis for a relationship. Beware. You do deserve honesty and should insist on it. There’s no good future with someone you can’t trust to be open and honest with you.”
allergymom74 asked the question everyone’s thinking:
“NTA. But why is he still a bf? He lies. Constantly. What else is he lying about? Can you ever trust him again? What else is he lying about?”
Anonymous_Sad_Person didn’t hold back:
“NTA – it looks like you didn’t get mad at him for not having a job, you got mad at him for lying to you about it for a FUCKING YEAR. Honestly, cut your losses and dump him. He’s shown you that he will lie to you for long stretches of time, which is a massive red flag. Someone like that isn’t long-term relationship material.”
krissab23 asked the most important question:
“Lying about having a job is such a huge red flag for me NTA”
What the Experts Say About Unemployment Deception
For most people, unemployment is an existential crisis, says Jonathan Shippey, a Master Certified Gottman Therapist. But during a time when the two people need each other more than ever, all too often the stress can pit them against each other.
But here’s the thing: The most important thing is to continue to share feelings. Continue to let your partner be on the journey with you, according to Shippey. This boyfriend did the EXACT OPPOSITE. He shut her out, lied repeatedly, and then got angry when she dared to ask for honesty.
Unemployment affects not only the subjective well-being of the individual, but also that of the partner, according to research published in academic journals on relationship dynamics.
The Location Sharing Detail That Makes It WORSE
Can we talk about how he got a NEW PHONE specifically to stop sharing his location? That’s not just lying—that’s premeditated deception. He actively took steps to make sure she couldn’t catch him in his lies. That’s manipulation on a whole different level.
The Verdict: NTA—And GET OUT
The overwhelming consensus from thousands of Reddit users? She’s Not The Asshole, and she needs to RUN, not walk, away from this relationship.
La-matya-vin kept it simple:
“NTA trust is gone”
Morganwerk summed it up:
“NTA. He lied to your face everyday for months.”
shuckyducked was direct:
“Dude, he’s full of lies. NTA.”
greenhouse5 asked the million-dollar question:
“NTA. How can you possibly trust him anymore now that you know he lies?”
The Bottom Line
This isn’t about unemployment. This isn’t about financial stress. This isn’t even about different work styles between tradesmen and salaried employees.
This is about a man who looked his girlfriend in the eye every single day for nearly a year and lied to her. Who went so far as to get a new phone to hide his deception. Who, when finally confronted with the truth, had the audacity to get ANGRY at her for expecting basic honesty.
Trust is often built over months and years, and one lie can threaten to undo that work in seconds.
The question isn’t whether she’s the asshole for being upset. The question is: How much longer is she going to let this man disrespect her?
What do YOU think? Would you stay with someone who lied to you for a year? Let us know in the comments!
This article is based on a real Reddit post from r/AmItheAsshole. Names and identifying details have been kept anonymous to protect privacy.
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