A 24-year-old woman’s heartbreaking Reddit post has thousands demanding she walk away from a relationship that’s “already over.” The comments? Absolutely devastating.
Picture this: You’re in love. You’ve met each other’s families. You’re making plans for the future. Then suddenly, everything changes—and it’s all because of an Instagram post.
Sound dramatic? Wait until you hear what happened to one 24-year-old woman whose boyfriend’s reaction to being posted on social media revealed a truth so painful, it has the entire internet up in arms.
The Original Post That Has Reddit REELING
A woman who goes by the username Crafty_Raspberry8135 recently shared her story on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum, and the post has sparked an emotional firestorm. Here’s her full story:
“AITA for wanting to hold on to my relationship but struggling to give him the time he’s asking for?”
“I (24F) have been with my boyfriend “Liam” (22M) for about a year. We met in the U.S., both European, literally a week after ending long-term relationships (mine was 3 yrs, his 2.5 yrs, 2 of those long distance). I broke up with my ex, he got dumped.
He always showed he cared a lot, but he was hesitant to it official cus he wasn’t sure if he’d come back to the States. We fell for each other fast, and after 7 months (knowing he wasn’t coming back), we made it official.
We did LD over the summer, met each other’s families, visited each other, etc. Than I moved back to the U.S. to finish my last year of school (+ maybe 1 year to work), and he stayed in Europe. Just a month later everything changed.
I him he didn’t seem as excited to FT or doing the little cute things he used to. Just weeks earlier, we were talking about our future, making plans. But when I said how I felt, he said, “You deserve better, and I’m not giving that to you right now.” that maybe he wanted to break up, when we talked about it again a few days after he said he didn’t want to break up.
He’s been struggling mentally since finding out he couldn’t come back, lost his dream to have a career in his sport, community, friends. I always told him I’d be there and we’d figure it out together. After that talk, I made a little plan for us to work on personal growth together. For about a week, things felt good again.
Then I posted him on IG. He didn’t repost. He’s never posted me before, always saying he’s “not an IG guy.” (His ex was only on two stories and one post in 3 yrs.) This time he admitted it’s because he’s “still thinking about breaking up” and “doesn’t see this lasting.”
That broke me. Just weeks before, he talked about a future with me. He says he loves me but is scared LD will end like his last relationship. I told him that that relationship is not OUR relationship and that we can make our relationship however we want it to (we can discuss what we’re both scared about, decide how we want to handle those things IF they will happen). He wants a “break” to figure himself out. But I don’t really believe in breaks and even if, to me, a break only works if both people want to find their way back.
Rationally, I know I should probably end it. But it’s hard cus I truly believe he cares and loves me and I think he’s just scared to get hurt again. I gave him a few chances where he could have just said “yes maybe it should just be over” but every time he said he didn’t want to. Emotionally, I can’t let go of something I still believe in. The idea of losing him, my best friend, my person, makes me physically sick. We’re supposed to talk again soon. I asked him to think about what scares him more: the distance possibly hurting, or the idea of not having me in his life at all.
So, AITA for wanting to hold on to my relationship but struggling to give him the time he’s asking for? I genuinely need advice. Am I just holding onto something I should let go of?”
Let that sink in. This woman met his family. They talked about their FUTURE. And now he’s telling her he “doesn’t see this lasting” because she… posted him on Instagram?
The Instagram Post That Changed Everything
Here’s where the story takes a turn that has everyone seeing red: After a week of things feeling “good again,” she did what millions of people in relationships do every day—she posted her boyfriend on Instagram.
His response? He didn’t repost it.
But that’s not even the worst part. When she asked him why, he dropped a bomb that would shatter anyone’s heart: “I’m still thinking about breaking up” and “I don’t see this lasting.”
This is the same man who, just WEEKS before, was talking about their future together. The same man who met her family. The same man who told her he loved her.
The whiplash is real, and Reddit is NOT having it.
What The Experts Say About Long-Distance Relationship Anxiety
Before we dive into the brutal Reddit comments, let’s talk about what’s actually happening here from a psychological perspective.
Long-distance relationships require partners to deal with the stresses of physical separation, and that distance can leave you constantly aching for your partner, triggering feelings of loneliness, sadness, and frustration, with these feelings inevitably becoming anxieties.
Fear is the main reason why people have commitment issues, and it might be a fear of choosing the wrong person, fear of the unknown, or fear of a bad relationship happening again.
But here’s the thing: Liam’s behavior isn’t just about fear. It’s about something much more concerning.
If you happen to have issues with trust, either because you’ve been hurt before, or perhaps due to things you witnessed early in life, this sort of arrangement may strike you as a bottomless pit of fear and anxiety.
And that appears to be exactly what’s happening with Liam. He had a failed long-distance relationship before, and now he’s projecting all those fears onto this new relationship—except he’s making it HER problem to solve.
The Reddit Comments Are BRUTAL
The internet wasted absolutely NO time telling this woman what she needs to hear. Let’s look at what actual Reddit users said:
Tiny_Message_9422 cut straight to the heart of the matter:
“You just love him and want to fight for it, but he’s pulling away. It’s not wrong to care just don’t lose yourself waiting for someone who’s unsure about you.”
Read that again. Don’t lose yourself waiting for someone who’s unsure about you.
This comment perfectly captures the tragedy of the situation. She’s fighting for a relationship while he’s already got one foot out the door.
1962Michael, a top commenter on the subreddit, delivered an analysis that has everyone talking:
“NAH. You may not be the same as his ex, but he is the same person he was when he was in a LDR with her. Some people just need more than FaceTime. He got together with you only a week after ending his previous LDR.
My guess is that he has been actively looking for a local relationship. Now he has a ‘candidate’ and he wants an official ‘break’ from you so that he can pursue that relationship without cheating on you. But taking a break does not have to be a mutual decision. If he informs you that he is taking a break, there’s really no way for you to stop him.
Yes, you should let go. Maybe neither of you will find a new relationship, and you may end up together. But somehow demanding that he stay faithful long distance is not the way to grow this relationship.
Also, you should consider that the more desperate you seem to keep the relationship, the more secure he will feel in seeing other people, with the idea that you will always take him back.”
OUCH. But this commenter is speaking hard truths. The theory that Liam might already have someone else lined up? It explains SO much about his behavior.
Soft_Remote_1511, another top commenter, brought up an important perspective about depression:
“I struggle between yta and nah. But this is a judgment sub so for advice I might go to an advice sub.
You want to work on the relationship/he is going thru depression. And some people deal with it differently.
You want his time/attention/excitement to be in this relationship and his brain just isnt in that mode right now. people without mental illness such as depression cant always understand.
Ive got it and my husband just tells me to tell my brain to shut up and ive got a good life and nothing to fear. He doesnt understand that it doesnt work that way. Which is okay he doesn’t understand. He just wants me back to the way I am when I am not depressed state of mind. Sometimes we just need space.”
This comment raises a valid point about mental health—but here’s the problem: Even if Liam is struggling with depression, that doesn’t give him the right to string someone along while he “figures things out.”
The “Break” That’s Really a Breakup
Let’s talk about this “break” Liam is asking for, because the research on relationship breaks is… not encouraging.
According to relationship experts, “A break doesn’t always lead to a breakup, but it often will”.
The first rule of thumb in taking a break in your relationship is to make sure the intentions of both partners are healthy, and experts warn: “Don’t take a break if you don’t intend to work on the relationship”.
But here’s the kicker: Science points to the fact that breaks where each party is allowed to see other people for a certain period of time before getting back together are a truly awful way for making your relationship work because your attitudes will shift during the break.
And remember what our Redditor said? Liam wants a break, but she doesn’t even know if he wants to find his way back. That’s not a break—that’s a slow-motion breakup.
The Red Flags Are EVERYWHERE
Let’s count the warning signs in this relationship, shall we?
1. The Rebound Timeline
They got together ONE WEEK after his previous relationship ended. He was dumped from a 2.5-year relationship (2 years of which were long-distance), and immediately jumped into a new relationship. Classic rebound behavior.
2. The Commitment Hesitation
It took him SEVEN MONTHS to make it official, and only after he knew he wasn’t coming back to the States. Why? Because distance makes it easier to keep one foot out the door.
3. The Sudden Withdrawal
Just one month after she moved back to the U.S., “everything changed.” He stopped being excited about FaceTime, stopped doing the little things. This is textbook emotional withdrawal.
4. The Mixed Messages
“You deserve better” followed by “I don’t want to break up.” “I love you” followed by “I don’t see this lasting.” He’s keeping her on the hook while he figures out what he wants.
5. The Instagram Incident
He’s “not an IG guy” but had his ex on his profile. Now he won’t post his current girlfriend because he’s “thinking about breaking up.” Translation: He doesn’t want to publicly claim her because he wants to keep his options open.
6. The Projection
He’s terrified this long-distance relationship will end like his last one—so instead of working through it, he’s MAKING it end like his last one. Self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone?
The Psychology of Fear and Commitment
Research from 2010 looking at commitment in romantic relationships suggested that commitment is an effort to secure romantic attachment, and furthermore, feelings of commitment can develop as a response to feelings of worry or fear over losing a partner, so if you feel securely attached and want the relationship to continue, you’re more likely to do the work required to make it last.
But Liam? He doesn’t feel securely attached. And instead of doing the work, he’s running away.
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine writes that avoidant people “equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness”.
This perfectly describes Liam’s behavior. The moment things got real—the moment she posted him publicly, claiming him as hers—he panicked and pulled away.
What She Should Actually Do
The Reddit consensus is clear, even if the official judgment is “NAH” (No A**holes Here). This woman needs to walk away, and here’s why:
She’s Already Doing All the Work
She made a “little plan for us to work on personal growth together.” She’s the one trying to save the relationship. She’s the one making accommodations. She’s the one fighting. Where is he? Asking for a “break.”
He’s Told Her Who He Is—She Needs to Believe Him
When someone tells you they don’t see the relationship lasting, BELIEVE THEM. When someone says they’re thinking about breaking up, BELIEVE THEM. These aren’t idle thoughts—these are warnings.
The Pain Will Only Get Worse
She says the idea of losing him “makes me physically sick.” But you know what’s worse than ending it now? Ending it in six months after she’s invested even MORE of herself into someone who was never fully in.
Experts warn: “Don’t let your partner leach away your time, self-esteem, and happiness. Our lives are determined by the quality of our relationships. Hold out for the partner who unequivocally puts you at the top of their list”.
Liam is NOT putting her at the top of his list. He’s not even sure she’s ON his list.
The Heartbreaking Reality
Here’s the truth that nobody wants to hear: This relationship is already over. It ended the moment he said “I don’t see this lasting.”
Everything after that? It’s just delaying the inevitable.
She’s holding on to who he WAS—the guy who was excited about FaceTime, who did cute little things, who talked about their future. But that guy is gone. The person in front of her now is someone who can’t even repost her Instagram because he’s already mentally checked out.
Research shows that anxiety in any relationship can cause conflict between partners, but long-distance relationships can be particularly stressful, and with so many miles between you and only the phone as a means of contact, most people would struggle to build a healthy relationship, even those without anxiety.
Add in Liam’s unresolved trauma from his previous long-distance relationship, his fear of commitment, and his apparent inability to communicate honestly, and you have a recipe for disaster.
The Update Everyone’s Waiting For
As of this writing, the original poster hasn’t updated her story. The Reddit community is anxiously waiting to hear what happened during their “talk.”
Did she find the strength to walk away?
Did he finally admit what everyone else can see—that he’s not ready for this relationship?
Or did he convince her to wait even longer while he “figures things out”?
The comments section remains active, with users checking back daily to see if there’s been an update. The overwhelming sentiment? Everyone is rooting for her to choose herself.
The Bigger Picture: When Love Isn’t Enough
This story isn’t just about one woman and one uncommitted boyfriend. It’s about a pattern that plays out in relationships every single day: One person fighting to make it work while the other person keeps one foot out the door.
Research defines this as part of an “asymmetrically committed relationship” (ACR), where one partner is significantly less invested than the other, and these relationships often involve emotional double standards, where the less committed partner reaps the benefits of connection without offering the stability of commitment.
That’s exactly what’s happening here. Liam gets all the benefits of having a girlfriend who loves him, supports him, and fights for him—without having to actually commit or show up fully.
And she? She gets breadcrumbs. Mixed messages. False hope.
The Final Verdict
Is she the a**hole for wanting to hold on? No. Love makes us do things that don’t always make logical sense.
But is she making a mistake by holding on? Absolutely.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for yourself AND for the other person—is to let go. To stop fighting for someone who isn’t fighting for you. To stop believing in a future that only exists in your imagination.
Liam has shown her exactly who he is:
- Someone who can’t commit
- Someone who projects his past onto his present
- Someone who gives mixed messages
- Someone who won’t publicly claim her
- Someone who “doesn’t see this lasting”
The question isn’t whether she’s the a**hole. The question is: How much more of herself is she willing to lose before she finally believes him?
What do YOU think? Should she give him the time he’s asking for, or is this relationship already dead? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts in the comments below!
If you’re in a relationship where you’re doing all the fighting while your partner remains uncertain, please know: You deserve someone who is sure about you. You deserve someone who doesn’t need a “break” to figure out if they want you in their life. You deserve someone who is proud to post you on Instagram and claim you as theirs. Don’t settle for less.
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